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Mens 4th XI - Match centre

Old Silhillians
Khalsa 4
la 20 loka 12:30 - League Full time

Those gentlemen of Khalsa proveth to be to hot to holdeth


Yogi gets his report translated into Bardic language then p***eth off

As I am missing in action next week and the game is against one of the Stratford sides whither normally I would beest given the report duties, I bethought I would receiveth thee all well versed in Thespian speaketh as valorous match prep for next week so hither goes…

The day started in glorious sunshine and that is about as valorous as it got as far as gloriousness goeth

We kneweth we wast a little under par with a bare string 11 missing our captain and talismanic centre forward but we hadst no idea what the opposition would bringeth because like some fine wines those gents don’t travel well usually but we forsooth kneweth those gents must has't some firepower in their armoury as those gents hadst scored 10 in one of their previous 2 matches.

The venue hath happened to beest Solihull private school pitches which wast something to behold forward to as the pitches art superb but that fact hath seemed to evade people’s awareness as after mine long protracted effort at getting into the school (not knowing thither wast a 2nd entrance and not being allowed through the main entrance due to a new barrier that wast not thither last Sunday, an a 16 mile hike with mine goalkeepers container from car park to pitch whither I hadst to taketh on 3 doth drink breaketh and a lunchtime sandwich breaketh, I findeth 12 players on the pitch, 7 from us and 5 from those folk and one of the umpires on the car park to pitch route whose first comment wast “ I am glad I am not late as I wenteth to the Sils first” and that filled me with fear that not only might the oppo has't done that but maybe some of our missing players too!

Concluded, be it after frantic calleth to ensure that we hadst both umpires and calleth from the opposition to their missing players we eventually hadst a game to playeth 11 for us and faithful supporter, 12 for those folk .
We could see those gents hadst their usual mix of experience and experience! but on this occasion those gents eke hadst 4 youthful players and that fact wast to hurt us in the end.

For our part after a very erudite team talk by interim captain Willetts who looks more like “Capn Birdseye” week by week, the game started.

For our part we hadst players having to playeth in unusual positions and that fact very much hurt us in the first half.

For those folk those gents controlled the ball well with their experienced players cutting out any of our long balls but unable to doth anything at which hour our youngsters (including soon to beest married Dugdale {maybe that’s wherefore he hath such a spring in his step! } hadst been instructed to runneth at those folk or wend around those folk.

Sadly all too oft the Bates motel rail of “left is hath left and right is right” didst not receiveth adhered to and all too oft the balls wenteth into the middle whither the “traffic” wast. But that wast not our biggest downfall on this day. The accuracy of the passing and speed of the passing wast the main difference in the 2 teams. those gents managed to traverse the field with 2 accurate passeth ov'r to youngster who ranneth at us towards our D whereas our passeth whilst going towards our players wast oft too slow to receiveth thither or if 't be true those gents didst receiveth thither, wast just a little the wrong side of the common-kissing hedge-pig, meaning that the control wast not instant and meanteth that the slow opposition hadst enough time to setteth themselves for the tackle.

That wast our only criticism going forward.

That hath said at which hour we didst receiveth it to the sticks of our young roving midfielders, the dribble and runneth tactic proved quite fruitful at which hour done the correct side (right is right and hath left is wrong{yogi saying}! )

Defensively the comment ere the start hadst been madeth to tryeth to maketh the tackles outside the D and to not allow the ball to receiveth into the D as historically the short corner hitteth from this team hadst been seen to beest fast accurate and base and early (all of which I misprise and thee don’t usually receiveth at this level! )

And twas this failing that hath led to a few too many attacks and short corners against us.

In fact twas the busiest I has't been in goal this season.

On one occasion I ceased a 2 on none attack by sitting on the ball (well t got stuck under me) and I hadst to scramble around ere pawing t hence to safety. Added to this I hadst to maketh a few other valorous saves from short corners and general playeth but the defence held firm on each occasion to clear the ball after the saves hadst been madeth.

However the pressure in the end toldeth and one of their young forwards got the ball in the D on the right and side and unfortunately we allowed that gent to swivel onto his stout side and has't a clear behold at goal and from 6 yards out that gent hath found the back of the net.

The reaction from our side wast most wondrous though and this wilt hold us in valorous stead this year. thither wast none of the heads down mentality that normally can wend at which hour falling behind. We stepped up the “dribble from midfield” tactic and 2 or 3 forays anon by our youngsters from midfield ably assisted by the wily Capn Birdseye up front and we crafted out an opportunity for the groom to beest and “Duggers” slotted in calmly past the young opposition goalkeeper like a seasoned pro!.

In that time we hadst actually carved out a couple of short corners too having hath said that the present day would beest a most pleasurable and beauteous day to receiveth short corner goals and on each occasion Capn Birdseye didst manage to receiveth stinging shots hence, sadly though those gents wast all a little too central to trouble the goalkeeper.

However as t hadst turned into an end to end game we allowed those folk another opportunity to receiveth the ball into the D and the same common-kissing hedge-pig who hadst scored ere again got the ball and turned onto his stronger side and again madeth t 2-1 to those folk much to mine chagrin!!!

On both of their goals hadst we been more alert and madeth that gent turn the other way we may has't averted the easy flick at goal.

On the balance of playeth a 2-1 half time leadeth wast well deserved but we wast not out of the game!!

The one thing we hadst noticed in the first half wast that thither wast square pegs in round holes with a few players playing out of positions of not familiar in the roles those gents wast given.

A valorous half time talking to may well has't galvanised us to receiveth us to score some goals apace in the 2nd half as hadst hath happened on 3 occasions at Northampton the previous week. Sadly this week within the first minute of the 2nd half we allowed those folk too much space outside of the D and t hath led to a short corner and on this occasion we wast very unlucky. The shot wast scuffed and I hath called out thinking twas going to miss the post and t hitteth the post and wenteth at 45 degrees out straight to one.

The changeth in personnel in different positions madeth t a different game thereafter. Not much cameth our way in the way of dangerous attacks but nor didst we very much trouble those folk going forward. The same mistakes of the first half wast being rerpeated. A few too many long balls, or too slow to receiveth to the intended targets or just slightly misplaced so we didst not has't any major chances and the 2nd half wast actually a very coequal affair. A shame that we hadst allowed those folk those goals with some lapses in concentration. The boys young and fusty hath tried hard all of the 2nd half but twas not to beest and Khalsa ended up the game winning 3-1.

The only thing of note wast again a very brave charging down of several big hitteth by their defence ended up with Will M again catching a ball on his foot and twas not sure whether that gent would finish the game, but brave as a lion that gent didst forsooth hobble back into playeth and then ranneth t off. That knave is madeth of sterner stuff than most!. In fact a gross amount of the youngster toiled very hard in the midday sun this week without much joy.

All that wast hath left to doth wast a quick de-brief after the game at which hour much of what hath been hath said on this report wast repeated and a MoM hadst to beest decided. Keith picked Tom Smith but I over-ruled that gent and hath said t ought to beest Mr Dugdale for his well taken goal and general speed foraging up front (well someone hadst to showeth some pace up thither cos twas not going to beest shown by our Cod fisherman Capn Birsdeye wast t?? )

So I leaveth t to the captain to pick the mother, maybe t should beest joint between Tom S and Duggers or it can beest Keith choice – I leaveth it up to thee.


Yogilio (sounds very Thespian esque! )
STOP PRESS - MoM awarded to Jonny ‘the Dugster’ Dugdale

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