Nick Wall's Match Report (brought to you by James Clapham)
Due to a unicorn shaped cut on his face (story in full later on) this week's match report has not been written by the DoD.
On a fresh and clear winters day we all arrived at fortress Sils looking forward to Ali Raza's choice of woolly hat and sunglasses for the day but to everyone's dismay we heard he was not to arrive until start time. Yet again we would not learn the press and some of us were beginning to forget what to do now. Nevertheless our intrepid leader attempted to be just as dull and repetitive in his pre-match instructions. A task to which he excelled.
So, knowing we shouldn't concede in the first ten minutes we forged our way onto the pitch. After the warm up, and with two minutes until push back, Ali Raza arrived but to our horror, considering the exceptionally bright sunshine, without sunglasses. Not to be deterred, and knowing better than the umpires when we should start, he walked us through the days press (sighs of relief all round) and the game began when he was good and ready but not a moment before.
To quote our missing DoD "we started the game well and soon found ourselves 1-0 down." Unfortunately this time it turned out to have actually happened. Not to be deterred the team were led by the dream trio up front, at times making it hard to know whether we were the Sils or the Barcelona front three of James 'Neymar' Clapham, Nick 'Messi' Wall and Ben 'Emile Heskey' Harmer. They soon found themselves level thanks to a pin-point, unstoppable flick from James Clapham. Soon after, the Sils took the lead, after Matthew 'Cat Flap' Deakin ghosted into the back post like Patrick Swayze to finish with aplomb.
Half time arrived and with it praises from Ali Raza, as well as the call to continue as we were and for cool and calm heads in the second half, but did he speak too soon...
Just for a change the Sils conceded two goals early in second half.
The Sils cause was further hampered when Nick Wall decided to try and head Andre Tchakhotine's goal bound shot. Apparently this doesn't work with a hockey ball, which has led to him now looking like the elephant man. Although, on a positive note, the swelling means his nose looks normal size.
Not long after this Ben Harmer decided he was tired. Also, having admired Matthew Fell's cankles for a while, he wanted to try one on for size. Another injury for the Sils.
These were soon followed up by goalkeeper Patrick O'Malley deciding he wanted a rest and the best way about this was to demonstrate to all how not to talk to umpires who willingly obliged in giving him a two minute sit down. Not to be outdone, Ali Raza decided to join in. This was probably due to the glaring sun and lack of aforementioned glasses, proceeding to tell the umpire how incorrect he was and how he could better not only his umpiring but himself as a person. Was 5 minutes in the sin bin for one of our players enough for our coach? No! The game was far too easy so let's go on for 10 minutes a player down. Naughty coach for not sitting down - clearly an extension for the yellow deserved right there.
Having made it through ten minutes with a man down the Sils began to push again and thanks to an excellent miss hit from Luke Kent, James Clapham grabbed his second of the game and the Sils equaliser. From then on most of the team tried to win the match, apart from Matt Northcott who decided scoring is easy, missing over and over again takes far more ability, leaving the final result 3-3.
MoM: Matthew Deakin
Reason: having cat flap abilities
DoD: Nick Wall
Reason: trying to eat a hockey ball