Thurman does it again
By Jim Goldstraw
Stratford struck by deadly double
Arriving at the Steve Tabb Pyramid of Excellence Hockey Centre - sponsored by Specsavers - on Wednesday I thought that lighting cannot strike twice. Following his one man demolition of Evesham last week, surely The Big Biscuit could not do it again. How little I knew. It was yet another tour-de-force from the former Right Said Fred frontman. And this time, there was a second hat trick from the diminutive figure of Truckthrower who is making a late push for leading Vets scorer this season.
It was a much changed side. Cap'n Gary was back from the Snowdome to lead the side, and we saw a welcome return from new father and now 40+ Nol Mortimer. We have missed Nol. He is like watching a dozer from Fraggle Rock going about his business. He moves far quicker than you think he should. We also had Christ and Stig of the Dump in defence. So your correspondent was feeling confident.
We also had the presence of Sauron as one of our umpires. I felt like I was on the Sermon on the Mount (who was Blessed Arthur Meek by the way? - Ed) and it was great to see him in charge during his busy international schedule.
The first 5 minutes suggested that Stratford meant business. They only had 10 at the start so we lent then Small Lakeland Peak. He was causing problems, and the defence was under more pressure than Boris Johnson's hairdresser. We did well to keep them out. However then we got into our rhythm. Perkins and the Motorway Tourist were fitting in nicely, and the forward line was led effectively by diminutive snow boarder and Punxsutawney Phil. We began to fashion chances, and the poor Stratford keeper was led a merry dance. 1. 2, 3, 4 times we found the net before half time. It did not feel like a stuffing as Stratford still created chances, and we did well to keep them out.
4-0 at half time. Goals from The Big Biscuit and Takjistan set us up nicely. We listened to the team talk - which seldom is carried out in the second half. Gary could suggest we slaughter the first born of every family in Solihull and children would be as safe as houses to be honest. We did know that more goals would come - and so it proved. Lake District Hill was back on our side, and the second half saw more flowing moves. Oppenheimer was like Sir Simon Rattle in orchestrating the attacks, and Tog 14 was his usual solid self. Three more goals rattled in as Biscuit and Chuckapony completed their hat tricks. This was followed by a goal on the reverse from LDH and it was 7-0. Nothing could go wrong.
Then Stig of the Dump had his 5 minutes of fame. He had played really well. Then he committed a cynical foul that should have seen him sent to Azkaban by the All Seeing Eye. He escaped and we thought we were lucky. How little we knew. Moments later, the Stratford winger left Christ in his wake and shot the ball toward goal. Stig was on hand to deflect it past the despairing Strawbs in goal, and it was 7-1. Je suis desole!!!
That was how the score remained. It was then back into the hutch for refreshments and debate about how many goals had been scored this season. Mr Messy leads the pack with one game of the winter remaining. It was a lovely end as lasagne was enjoyed and nicknames discussed. Next week we do it all again against Lichfield. Have a nice day.