M4 2014/2015 Season Review

That every player returned to the Sils for a post-match drink was not a sign that the league season had come to an end, for this has become the norm, but the news that the club had run out of red wine perhaps was.
"It's been emotional", said Captain Fantastic, echoing the words of Vinnie Jones, as he reflected on three seasons of captaining M4 and as he accepted a framed, signed picture of the team to hang in the loo chez Ffitch. That Craig turned in his finest performance of the season in the final game against Hampton, was apt, but on this occasion, not enough to see the team through.

And so to a review of what has, in truth, been a remarkable season. During the autumn, M4 could have been likened to Thunderbird 4 (the yellow one, remember?), searching to do good at every opportunity, but doing so whilst hovering at the bottom (of the table/sea). However, as autumn changed to winter, the arrival of "Virgil" Bates brought an "International Rescue", triggering an improvement in fortunes, performances and results for the Sils. Thunderbird 4 was quickly transformed into Fireball XL5, with M4 rising dramatically up the table, securing eight wins out of their next eleven league matches. Not even their fiercest foes could prove a match, as Colonel White and his Specturm strike force left Cloud Base late one Saturday afternoon to defeat the Mysterons of Olton. All this without Captain Magenta, who had been wrongly imprisoned on Captain Black's naughty step at a Halesowen hideout some weeks earlier. Magenta had bravely escaped by disguising himself as a Black Eyed Pea, but in doing so he pulled a hamstring, so rendering himself unavailable for several games in the spring.
There were many memorable moments throughout the season, and a poll of the players last week revealed the top ten as being :
1/ Sat Nav : Craig may have a new motor, but the Sat Nav was clearly made on a Friday afternoon as the trip to (or should I say around and around and around) Redditch proved. "Nuff said" as our effervescent GK would say.
2/ "Ailing for Aylin" : could be confused with another Sat Nav moment, but who could forget when Steve set out one evening for the Vets, but finished up at A&E, after clearing a PC off the line with his head.(Once a GK ......). Ouch !
3/ #shaunbateseffect : thanks from everyone Shaun. When does pre-season training start ?
4/ Training : one cold Tuesday evening half a dozen players turned up to double the average age of the training squad, but also to set out and practice some PC routines. The impact was immediate, with two goals scored in the first two PCs of the next match.
5/ The Return of the Russell : it took some sterling performances for the 3s before Simon was promoted back into the 4s, but he quickly re-established himself as one of the team's central midfield dynamos. Welcome back Simon.
6/ Learning another language : it has taken some of us almost two seasons to master it, but I now believe that we can all understand Australian when shouted through a gum shield. Something to make your CV stand out. Well played Andy J.
7/ New fans : it wasn't just the entertaining play that saw attendances for M4 games rise steadily throughout the season. Do you remember last month when the Fashion Police pulled up at the Sils to watch us, before asking if anyone knew Tony Dwyer?
8/ Finding a new hairdresser : you have to hand it to Keith, if he isn't scoring goals he is always thinking of ways to deflect attention from this. Best example has to be when he was inspired to find a new coiffeur after three weeks of being "hairdryer-ed" at halftime. When asked where he went for his latest trim, Keith proudly said "Herr Kutts in Mell Square".
9/ Taking your mind off the Villa : credit here goes to our own Benteke, Andy Rush, who bagged 18 goals for the club this season despite missing six games. Great stuff Andy, how many next season if you stay match fit throughout ?!
10/ Best book to read over the summer : expected to be a sporting best-seller, this is a must-read for every member of the 4th XI squad before pre-season. "From Dyson to Tyson, my journey" by A. Jogi is the story of a wannabe GK who starts his first season between the posts by sucking everything into the net, before blossoming into a stopper who punches everything out of the D, including a breathtaking save in the final home game of the season to ensure that Sils stayed in the game. If you can't find a copy at Waterstones, there'll be one in Keith's potting shed.
As for me, I have greatly enjoyed the season. Even the clouds are crying today as they too bemoan the end of what has been a fantastic season for us collectively. The whole squad should be proud of what we have achieved as a unit, and I can't wait for the new season to arrive. I look forwards to catching up with many of you at the Dinner, and during the summer months, and to taking up the captaincy in the autumn. As I do this, it reminds me that we need to appoint a Captain of Vice, a job perhaps for the Dinner.
My thanks to Gerry & Sylvia Anderson for the inspiration for this match report. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this season's reports as much as I have writing them, and that this - my final match report - rates well on the "chuckle-o-meter" for you.
In the meantime, all the best
Dave