Cloke-ing device helps Old Boys keep out Nobby

Ho Ho Ho. It was a festive extravaganza on Wednesday as the Old Boys with no hair gathered to take on the Yoof that largely consisted of beards and cloned Rice's. In temperatures that seemed more suited to Sudan than Solihull, the game was played at a breakneck speed - at least for the first 30 seconds.

The Vets saw the welcome return of Jon Cloke at the back. This was pleasing for the defence as it was similar to putting a roundabout at the top of the D and this would provide a diversion for the Matt Fell players (Who?- Ed). With many regulars missing there was also a welcome return for 50 Shades up front, and it was interesting to see how he would cope without the support of the missing Kant (is that spelt right? -Ed) up front with him. It was also good to have the All Seeing Eye playing a game for the old boys.

The Matt Fell XI (Who? Was he playing? -Ed) started strongly and within minutes Cloke and Thompson at the back were under pressure. With Thompson, the pressure was on his reverse stick; with Cloke it was on his shorts. Wave after wave of yoof attacks were dealth with, and the old boys also began to play themselves out of trouble. Nick Danks is always a pain to the opposition, and also Simon Russell and Gary Perkins were playing well. However, the Vets went 1-0 down after a lapse saw Fatboy Slim unmarked in the D and he slipped it past Jim Goldstraw. This was disappointing. The Matt Fell XI (???- Ed) were playing well with the blond Hitler Youth controlling the middle, and the Vets defence struggling. Fortunately, the Vets made it to half time with only the one goal in it.

Half time was inspirational from Cap'n Gary, and the team were galvanised. The plan was to ignore Nick Oppenheimer (as he was having a 'mare), and mark the DJ and the Rice Krispies. This worked a treat. The 2nd half was much better. Cloke had found his range now, and was booming 16s with all the accuracy of a cruise missile. It was like watching a medieval army attacking a castle. The first vets goal was slipped home by 50 Shades (a landmark goal - it was the 100th leaked by Paddy O'Malley this month!) and this was followed by a true collectors item -a Gary Perkins goal. Grown men wept, others faced east and sang 'Jerusalem', the motorway stopped as drivers tried to see the event. It was a great moment of sport right up there with Erica Roe at Twickers in 1982. 2-1 and the Matt Fell XI (I dont' think he's real - Ed) were against the wall. Did they have a saviour?

It came from the most unlikely source. Nick Oppenheimer had missed everything during the evening and then he pooped up to score an excellent goal from a PC. 2-2 and it was then all eyes on umpires Waldorf and Statler to see how long was left. The vets were attacked a few more times, and Cloke was able to drop the trap door a few more times. In the end 2-2 was the result. A fair result!!

So it was off for teas and MoM votes. Christmas jumpers were on display and special mention to Simon, Jim and Gary for quality garments. Pies and Mince Pies were enjoyed and then MoM was voted. It was a close run thing between Simon, Gary and Jonno. In the end, the sheer effort by Cloke saw him win a deserved award. Drinks were shared, and the Matt Fell XI (He's a myth) had a coke. Happy Christmas all.