Nick Wall's Match Report
The start to season has shown many of the same characteristics as my sex life:
- no wins in what feels like years;
- crushing defeats; and
- resignation to being devastatingly lonely forever (how did this get in here).
Despite all this, we set off for Shrewsbury with confidence:
- Ben Harmer managed to recover from his *rose petal* cramps from the week before
- George Bayliss back to his creepy self on social media
- and I had just devoured 3 happy meals in the morning - delicious.
Ali Raza had purchased his third whiteboard of the season after leaving one at Warwick School and shrinking the other in the wash. Despite this astute purchase the magnetic counters refused to keep it simple city and continued to pop off the board.
After the initial briefing we headed back outside to a complete shock - weather of which the U.K. has never before experienced. The blinding sun coupled with sub zero temperatures left everyone in awe and desperate for a woolly hat and sunglasses combo.
Only Ali Raza was prepared for this global warming and Brexit cyclone of fear.
It was hard to warm up properly with only one ball and the constant worrying about where André was. At this point it had been over 12 hours since anyone had been shamelessly pitched a Vax vacuum cleaner - the atmosphere was tense. #teamdyson
We started the game well and soon found ourselves 3-0 down. Matt Northcott scored twice in quick succession - the second of which was absolute filth. However, a questionable umpire decision gifted them another goal before half-time.
In an ideal world I would be able to recall the order of the two goals in the second half.
It is not an ideal world.
At some point Dr Andre Tchakhotine turned up mid-counter attack, Vax-in-hand.
The game finished 5-3, I think.
Match teas: 8/10
MoM: Will Stevens
Reason: outstanding contribution to society as a teacher.
DoD: Nick Wall
Reason: fat *unicorn*.