Nick Wall's Match Report
Oh hi again, glad to be back... especially after Ben Harmer's attempt at a match report was about as successful as a Tom Harrison's taxi journey.
Ben Harmer has less time for writing than Kanye West has for the rest of the music industry.
To be fair to him, I wouldn't have much time to write it either between adding every girl I've ever seen on Facebook and buying *pixie dust* trainers that can be seen from the moon.
Saturday started as usual for me: miserable, lonely and with my bed seeing about as much action as a nun's *unicorn*.
But this time there was a sense of missed opportunity...
On the way home on the Friday before I had the pleasure of bumping into Mr James Clapham. After he told the train how lonely I was, 2 mysterious temptresses appeared out of the masses of unwashed from the slum that is Birmingham Moor Street. Diamonds in the rough.
Using our boyish good looks and, quite frankly, 10/10 chat about loneliness we melted their cores and were subsequently begged by these two minxes to tuck into their picnic and accompany them to London. But alas we said no...
So yes, I drove to the Sils with the Smiths blaring out, making me feel optimistic that life can get better.
In the changing room there were frightening rumours that Ali Raza wasn't going to be present with us for the game and we could possibly have to endure another Matt Northcott team talk.
But, just when we thought we weren't going to be treated to 10 minutes of pure unadulterated pressing porn, Ali Raza burst through the door. Phew!
We started the game well and soon found ourselves 1-0 down in the fir... wait what!? Oh yeah, we didn't concede a hockeyness in the first 5 minutes for once. I wonder what must have changed? Maybe someone was absent or something I dunno...
We played some scintillating stuff in the first half. Ben Harmer spurned a fantastic opportunity to open the scoring and increase Patrick O'Malley's goal tally for the season.
0-0 at half-time.
Half-time was interesting. For a start we didn't gather in the goal like we normally do... despite me being already in there!
Ali Raza then viciously blamed me for dribbling too much on the right, despite having played on the left for the entire half (although "played" is a loose term).
*I had a little strop*
It was pleasant having a team talk that didn't involve James Clapham bursting into tears to be fair.
The second half was much like the first. We played some fantastic hockey up to the D but, as Luke Kent would describe it, "the forwards are doing *candy floss* all."
It was an honour being spoken about by someone who is "too good to be subbed off."
It was nice to see Ben Harmer take his "useless *unicorn*" impression when writing match reports and transferring it on to the hockey pitch.
Midway through the second half Nick Rice did his best Ben Harmer impression and had a little waaaaa waaaaa on the pitch. Extremely entertaining stuff. Keep it up Nick Rice!
Despite their goalkeeper making some nutty saves, us hitting the post and messing up two walk in goals, we still managed to keep a clean she... hahahaha I can't even say it. Of course we didn't.
We lost 1-0.
I guess the game was incredibly like my Luna conquests. Doing all the hard work, but when trying to convert chances, falling hilariously short.
I can confirm George Bayliss was spotted eating AstroTurf sand again by his fellow 2s comrades.
MoM: Etienne Blatt
Reason: Being a beast.
DoD: Nick Wall
Reason: Having enough time to write match reports. Fat *unicorn*.